impatient, obnoxious, petty, argumentative, and obsessed over meaningless details

Tag Archives: On the sauce

paying germany back, five euros a sausage

I have been forced to flee to Cork due to an Internet famine in my apartment in Dublin. The line has been physically cut somewhere underground near the exchange. I wrote this a few days ago:

I went to the Oktoberfest on the Sunday of the opening weekend. It was much nicer to go at this time of day as opposed to late at night when it is as messy as a drinking festival in Ireland is sure to get.

It was nothing like this

more like this

I wanted to get a Bratwurst and I ordered one at a stand which had two other customers. The girl handed it to me and said “five euros please” (it would be around than half that price in Germany. If it cost any more people would not buy one).

I said “can I get sauerkraut please” and she ignored me so I said it in German. She said to me in her own language “next time you have to ask before. I have a lot to do”. She came back and said “that will be one euro more”. She was kind of annoyed and my companion noticed and was later surprised at what had happened.

We drank a few beers and listened to the band make derogatory remarks about the Ruskis who Ireland had beaten that day in Rugby.

I went to get some jellies at the end of the night from a sweet shop. It came to over five euros and the price seemed a bit steep. I gave him five and said: “surely that is enough”. He didn’t say anything so I said “how much would that cost in Germany” – he said “ten euros”. I quickly replied “around two I think”. He said “two fifty”. I laughed at my own folly and walked away eating a giant haribo smurfette which was around around half of the weight of the bag of sweets. It should have costs 10 cents.

Read more of this post

ooompa loompa on late late show

fake tan ugg boot man from "Il Divo"

looks like the girls from everybody’s drinking:

and we're drinking

saturday night: sex, steroids, strippers, stalking

I realise the title of this post is bizarre. It says something about my interests, perceptions and the company I keep however all of those things aligned to make Saturday an odd day for me.

The sex bit involves the Brian O’Driscoll mask. It is more of an implication of sex so keep your dirty thoughts to your self for just a minute. The background is that I was watching the Leinster match in a suburban pub near where I live. We arrived late and found seats in the smoking area. There were some of those masks on our table and a woman came over and asked “do you mind if I take one for my husband”. I said “oooh, dangerous”. She knew she had dropped the ball (bad pun). I didn’t want to cross the line with a complete stranger and tell her that I though she wanted her husband to wear it in bed that night. As she was leaving she said “it is really for my nephew”. I suggested she should takes two, she laughed at least.

Later on we went to a fashionable bar. A beefcake I recognised was stopped outside and was not getting in (he takes way too many steroids). As I was discussing the situation with my friend in the smoking area a drug fiend came up to us and asked us if we had any pills. He was asking because my friend knew him from home. My friend answered “you junkie! ask some young guys instead”. He said he was going to a party nearby after. Then he walked to the corner and started empty retching on the ground. There wasn’t even any bile in his stomach. The DJ was playing everybody’s drinking. It was odd that this moment seemed to be a nexus between the two worlds depicted in the video. Good times.

Stripper: I spoke with a girl who I talked to for a few minutes once before. I asked her what she does and she said “at the moment, drinking”. I said “and during the week what do you do” and she said “I walk around”. We decided that this cryptic answer could only mean she was a stripper.

Stalking: I noticed some people who I know are in the habit of adding their location on Facebook. I know they have to intentionally do this but with some of the Facebook glitches what is to stop your app going rogue and automatically checking you into wherever you go. I wondered how they would feel if I went to where they were and took a photo of them or maybe with me sitting at their table if they left for a cigarette or to use the bathroom. I could then go home and upload it and tag them. To make it even more creepy this should be achieved before they had even left where they were checked into. While thinking about this sordid plan I shared a thought with a friend. I told him that my worst nightmare is that instead of typing someones name into the search box on facebook that I type it many times into “whats on your mind” instead.

My Boozy Celtic Heroine

Found on!/AllanCavanagh:

“See the print edition of today’s Irish Examiner for a special 20-page supplement on Ireland’s relationship with alcohol”

Photo shows guy glassing his friend, wasted girl in dress with cans, girl puking after an alco pop – its like a night out in anytown ireland – the woman in the middle is a play on lady lavery who was on the old irish bank notes. They are probably cans of harp as opposed to the harp from the bank notes. I suspect the guys are fighting about who gets the one who is less wasted – the other one has to taste puke.

damo is back

found at

here is his original video

the irish banks are rallying … not

RTE radio are peddling some serious bullshit at the moment. They are saying shares in Irish banks are rallying. I have heard it every morning this week. This is what this rally actually looks like:

Dont miss out this time

It went from 22 last Friday to 32 on Monday which is a decent jump but its sliding back down to familiar old territory. The shares actually closed lower than their opening price for the last two days. This is usually a bad sign if you want them to go up. It is hard to argue that this performance is as impressive as the self-anointed mouthpiece of the state claims.

It reminds me of a few months I spent months working for a boiler room based in Dusseldorf. (It is mentioned in this article but the translation is not great. I know a guy whose circumstances matched the story. He is probably just one of many employees who were ripped off by their employer).

It was in this part of the city:

Am Seestern, Dusseldorf

I found it strange that we had a huge office but it was empty and the few overly serious people who worked there would not talk to us either. The only one who said anything was the doorman downstairs. He would repeat the exact same greeting as you said to him whether it was “Guten morgen”, or “mahlzeit” (said at mealtimes bizarrely). We ate at a traditional pub and it was vile. I didn’t ask what the food was and I just learned to not eat it after the first visit and just get drunk instead. The place looked like this.

At work we hyped up companies who were about to announce a patent for a huge breakthrough for example. I was selling stock for someone who had developed a wireless pacemaker. I had an American Doctor in Hamburg convinced that this baby was going to skyrocket. The Kriminal Polize raided our office and I saw it in the paper and on tv. The doc got scared and wanted to back out. I had him hooked but I left before anything else happened. It did not help that I was reading “Die Firma” or “The Firm” at the same time. Read more of this post

taste of a sausage sandwich

I saw this on a while back but I cannot get it out of my head after seeing Biffo on tv this week:

nite clubbing wallabee

Detectives questioned a circus owner today about allegations that a wallaby died after being plied with ecstasy and drink at a birthday disco.

The marsupial was let loose among more than 150 revellers dancing at the Clarion Hotel in Liffey Valley, west Dublin, to the theme tune of Australian television show Skippy The Bush Kangaroo.

Outraged animal welfare campaigners sparked an official Garda investigation when they passed on complaints about the alleged mistreatment of the animal.

I doubt the animal knew the Smiths how soon is now but I bet he could empathise after the horrible drogheda nite club:

There’s a club, if you’d like to go
You could meet someone who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home
And you cry
And you want to die

too good looking

for the second week in a row in the newspapers:

ONE of the leading actors in RTÉ’s hit new crime drama Love/Hate has dismissed criticism that the cast are “too good-looking” to accurately portray gangland Ireland.

Bríain Gleeson, who plays gangster Hughie Power, said the suggestion was “rubbish and indicative of the particular mindset that people have that every one of those involved in criminality are uncaring about their appearance. A lot of these guys are gym buffs who really look after themselves, so that argument just does not wash.

They were urging viewers to hang on until the end of the season. There was a scene last night where Hughie was doing coke that looked like sugar in a caravan with a traveller. They had just murdered someone. The traveller got his head beaten in with a snookerball in a sock (there just happened to be one lying around). He got finished off with a rock. This was all far from glamorous. Read more of this post


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 37 other followers