Katie Price aka Jordan arriving back to her hotel last night from Krystle nightclub in Dublin after being at the Style Awards in Dublin, Ireland.

Fernanda told me this expression. She said it is common to hear in Brazil. As I tried to contain myself after the coolest thing I had ever heard and she added: “in Ireland it looks to be the opposite: the girls can look like whores but if guys talk to them they go crazy and they are really rude and bossy”.

One of her friends told me that they often meet people who think brazilian girls are slutty because sometimes they show them in a bikini at a football match. On the other hand none of them ever get dressed up like this. Noteworthy for them are the times you can see another girls vagina.

The expression is also known as “A lady on their arm and a whore in the bedroom”. I was looking it up and and I came across an article on askmen.com:

There’s an old joke that goes: Good girls say, “No;” bad girls ask, “When?”

Still, it’s a problem that never goes away. We want the best of both worlds: a princess on the street and a whore in the bedroom. Someone who is nice and treats us with respect, yet who acts like a wildcat in heat between the sheets. So just what are the advantages and disadvantages of dating bad girls and good girls? And is it possible to somehow combine the two types into one perfect woman?

Young girl really hated winner woman and got in an argument with her and accused her of being thick.I think Winner actually confessed to being thick in relation to a separate part of the show. They showed her with food in her teeth and it was an all around classy affair. They even brought out the prize money on a silver tray with a lid and the woman who won it threw the money in the air.

Then came this shite where Irish people thought they were celebrities and/or rich and/or famous (because this is what people obsessed with here). They had Mike Tysons cockney ex-wife and Rosanna in the highest cutting peoples toenails. Vile.

This whole Irish fascination with being a celb can only be described as similar to before you were hot, a website where people look for appreciation for how they are now hot but when younger were ugly ducklings

Sorry but mountains of ugg boots is just not enough. I am not saying that people are not obsessed with this stuff in other countries but it seems they are in the UK/America/Hollywood/Ireland. I hope we dont infect people in other parts of the world but I have given up hope for burberry addicted China.

Back in the real world my country is pretending to be saving money however nobody believes we are making a serious effort because we cut wages for the “stars” at the national TV station from 600k to 400k (fail).

And in the actual real world:

(no actual footage of helicopter attack)

“The public is being urged to buy Irish in the wake of a deadly outbreak of E coli bacteria poisoning in Europe, which has claimed 10 lives and left hundreds seriously ill”.

Such vile callousness for the people who have died in a lame way. Why not ‘”to be safe don’t eat cucumbers”? We should be sending vegetables from Ireland to thank the Germans for the money they stupidly lent us, twice now and probably a third or fourth or fifth time (like washing and feeding a heroin junkie in rehab who sneaks out every night for another hit’).

I thought it was such a terrible way to go. Terrible until I found out someone in Hong Kong had previously tried to commit suicide by sticking one up his arse:

A MAN taken to hospital to have a cucumber removed from his bottom told doctors he inserted it in a SUICIDE attempt.
Chin Wei, 62, claimed the method was a variation of ritual suicide hara-kiri – usually carried out with a SWORD plunged into the belly.
He was found in a pool of blood by his daughter in Hong Kong.
Medics said a severe tear to the man’s rear was not life-threatening.

sun

The title of the post is from Pineapple express:

Red: Why don’t you follow his lead and just chill out, man?
Dale Denton: I’m chill. I’m chill as a cucumber, man.
Red: You don’t seem chill.
Dale Denton: I’m more chill than you.
Red: You’re more chill than me?
Dale Denton: Yeah.
Red: Look what I’m wearing. Kimono, dog. What’re you wearing?
Dale Denton: A suit.
(sadly this bit is missing from the video I found)
Red: Yeah, exactly. I don’t know what’s up with you, but I don’t know if I like you.
Dale Denton: Well, I don’t know if I like you either

“See the print edition of today’s Irish Examiner for a special 20-page supplement on Ireland’s relationship with alcohol”

Photo shows guy glassing his friend, wasted girl in dress with cans, girl puking after an alco pop – its like a night out in anytown ireland – the woman in the middle is a play on lady lavery who was on the old irish bank notes. They are probably cans of harp as opposed to the harp from the bank notes. I suspect the guys are fighting about who gets the one who is less wasted – the other one has to taste puke.

http://pjlynchgallery.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-boozy-celtic-heroine.html

I tried to watch the webcast of Paddy Honohan from the central bank today. When the broadcast started they were still setting up the room and it seemed that they were unaware that people were watching on the internet. The camera was at the back of the room, in the middle behind a few rows of seats. It was 4.30 pm exactly and it was due to start. The mic was on too too and I heard the organisers discussing whether they could get people go down on their honkers. Then they tried to get foreign journalists to move and they were asking “why” and ended up just staying there. Then a woman came in and said they had more people downstairs who wanted to come in.

The video stopped and started a few times and eventually the broadcast started. They had brought the camera into the aisle and it zoomed diagonally close up on face of the leprechaun who runs the central bank.

The news came out that AIB needs another 1,300,000,000 euros. Ah sure no problem.

I was reading commentary on the internet at the same time: I was so embarassed when someone I follow on twitter said:

Someone posted a link to the pdf on the website of the Irish financial regulator. It crashed immediately and I saw this:

This is what the world saw of my country today. The broadcast itself was like some sort of novena or a funeral and was terrible to watch. I think I even saw a plate of hang sandwiches (no crusts) and a pot of tea on the table. They had a bag of sugar and a few cartons of milk too. It looked more like a builders tea break.

In other news, Inda replied to report he was cock of the walk at the EU summit:

no! there was no pick

One of the reactors in Japan has a huge crack down the side of it and radiation was reported in Glasgow. There is 10 times more nuclear fuel at the flood damaged site than there was at Chernobyl.

Six reactors, seven fuel pools and a storage tank total almost 2,000 tons of nuclear material. The reactors alone are storing 1000 times as much nuclear energy as the Hiroshima bomb released in one concentrated dose and include waste that has been undergoing nuclear fission for 3 years.

Other “Black Swan” events are taking place all over the world. Some think the financial crash of 2008 could happen again any day. Some of what has been written about Ireland is not so flattering:

maxkeiser.com seems to be the new Jim Cramer but caters to the conspiracy sector. He is overdoing it a bit here:

As I have been screaming about for 2 years now, those ‘bailing out’ Ireland are MORE BANKRUPT than Ireland (and Ireland it not technically bankrupt to begin with). Had the people of Ireland raised this point earlier – that there is no way they are going to allow for bankrupt entities to use their country’s assets as collateral for a leveraged buyout – I believe they would have gained greater traction against the financial terrorists. But for some reason, Irish people simply don’t question authority, even when the authoritarianism is coming out of the mouths of bankrupt institutions with track records of destroying economies, pilfering assets, stripping equity and lying, cheating, larceny and embezzlement. Write some sad songs you frickin nitwits, you don’t deserve freedom.

One of the comments from what seems a native of Ireland caught my eye on zerohedge.com (interesting financial website run by a guy who goes as tyler durden)

Excellent article – although the consumerist nirvana of the 90s and 00s were a nightmare for me – The Irish landscape and inner life has been ripped apart by infusions of credit heroin with little wealth created – unfortunately anybody who tried to talk sence to these drug addicts were greeted with bile and venom.

The one advantage of the collapse is that you can get a ringside seat on the local vultures who sucked the teat of this whore – they are now biting and probing each other as the dead meat is getting scarce.

In many ways the empty financial savannah is a beautiful vista.

At the end of animal farm the pigs became almost identical to despised Farmer Jones

FORMER Financial Regulator Brian Patterson has hit out at the media for being overly gloomy in a speech which saw him blame “everybody” for the country’s economic woes.

The current chairman of Vodafone Ireland added that he intends in future to avoid negativity, and no longer reads Morgan Kelly, no longer watches Vincent Browne, reads Shane Ross or listens to Joe Duffy.

He sounds as well informed as Sarah Palin.

Now compare him against this guy from England who calls it like it is. His is not stupid enough to blame everyone and Vincent Browne/Morgan Kelly etc in particular. He says it was greedy and corrupt politicians:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fyq7WRr_GPg

Finally:

“The problem is that Greece and Ireland wanted a German standard of living without working for it,” said one senior member of the ruling Christian Democrats (CDU) in a closed-door meeting last week. “That’s just not possible any more, not on the back of German hairdressers.”

"I know we hit the iceberg, I just dont know how long ago"

During the week a German friend said “Irishman pay your way” – I said “thanks for all the cash you gave us but we spent it already. Is there any chance of just a little bit more? I promise we will spend it on your fine cars”. He took it well.

It seems that I am less concerned about what our continental neighbours think, as I feel maybe they dont know the whole story. The Germans are even taking a share of the blame for us … It is almost as if they are saying “we are sorry we lent you the money”. Vielen Dank!

The continentals only know us as the feckless micks we have become lately. They like our pubs and our guinness and our bread. Many are confused why Irish seem to thrive illegally in America. We might have been able to convice them that we are these world beaters who work hard and play hard. We are safe in the knowledge that they dont really have the time to invest to understand us and they will simply lump us in with the PIGS.

It is the opinion of the neighbour next door that seems to be the thorn in our side. We will take the EMF money but how dare the Brits tell us that UK ‘may be liable for £6bn of Irish debt’

I find it difficult to read one of the comments on (yes I know), the daily mail: A totally mismanaged, bragardly and obnoxious country has got itself into financial trouble.

That is that part we have the problem with I think. Its the truth but our friend / important trading partner / old enemy seem to be the only ones really capable of drumming up any form of emotion. We fought for 800 years and get ‘sovereignty’ but sold it back to the Brits, or so the papers this week said.

We may be able to shrug it off and hum the chorus to we hate it when our friends become successful.

A building owned by the irish tax payer may end up being the place where Kate and William tie the knot. Maybe we can use some of the 6 billion to pay for the reception? That surely seems like the sensible thing to do.

In this image it features a helium filled ballon of a pig on the cover of Pink Floyds Animals:

its all good acting the pig until the butcher comes

It belongs to us via NAMA.

It was bought by Johnny Ronan. You may remember him as the guy who was chauffered to Ranelagh in a half million euro Maybach. He got kicked in the nuts by a model on the street. He is also behind the NTMA who are Irelands pimp on the bond markets. I realise that this sounds like I am calling Ireland a whore but maybe Ireland is actually a rent boy.

He reminds me of Louis Cpyhere:

The flesh is weak, Johnny. Only the soul is immortal

The Battersea power station is like the Titanic in that it is a gigantic achievement and a beacon of British engineering. Both have associations with Ireland which has a tradition in building a huge amount of ghost estates and ghostly spa hotels.

All I want to know is where is our ghost ship?

It crossed my mind that a simpson episode has parallels with the German story I put up earlier today. Mr Burns is the Irish people, the factory is Ireland and the German company is … well Germany.

Mr. Burns sells the Power Plant to a German company for $100 million. In the aftermath of the takeover, Homer loses his job and slips into a depression state. Homer and his friends stumble accross Burns in Moe’s Tavern and give him a piece of his mind. Burns and Smithers leave. Burns realizes that because he is no longer in a position of power, he is no longer feared. He buys his plant back, they agree to sell it back to Burns for $50 million, and Homer is re-hired.

The parallels are still just as shocking:

German owners are attempting rapport with plant employees

Horst: Good morning. I am Horst. My superiors have selected me to speak to you because they believe I am the friendliest looking. Perhaps I remind you of the lovable Sergeant Schultz from Hogan’s Heroes.

Plant employees mutter amongst themselves in agreement

Horst: First, we need to deal with substance abuse. Are there any alcoholics here?
Man #1: Me.
Man #2: Me too. In fact, I am drunk at this moment.
Horst: Very well. You will be on convalescent leave for six weeks at an detoxification center in Hawaii, and will then return with back pay.
Homer{talking to himself}: Doh! Lucky drunks!

simpsons.wikia.com

NY Times

The British government signaled Wednesday that it could offer direct financial assistance to Ireland, even though Britain is outside the euro zone, as prospects grew for an international rescue package to avert another European debt crisis.
…
Irish pride is an important factor, given how long the country and its currency were tied to Britain and the pound

Innocent loaf of bread is the one responsible for Irelands predicament

Belfast Telegraph says:

Irish pride may be its economy’s downfall.

A hand-up, not a hand-out, is the slogan of The Big Issue magazine for the homeless. But whatever way you care to describe it, the Irish government appears determined to resist a bailout from the EU’s emergency funds for distressed eurozone members.

German magazine Der Spiegel says:

“But is there anything to the accusations that the German government is to blame for the latest escalation of the crisis? Because the chancellor wants to see investors as well as taxpayers financing the rescue of a euro state from 2013?”

“If Merkel were to abandon her plans, then it would be paradise for investors and unsolid governments. The speculators could charge high interests on Irish or Greek bonds without any risk of losses. … And the Greeks could continue with their record indebtedness, because they would have no more pressure from the financial markets and in an emergency would be rescued by their euro partners. The euro zone would become a transfer union, to the detriment of the taxpayers, and the euro would soon fall apart.”

I think the answer is clear, we should use this song as our next Eurovision entry: