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impatient, obnoxious, petty, argumentative, and obsessed over meaningless details

Category Archives: satire

whats another year?

I read with great interest in the Tribune last weekend that:

Some people date the decline of our economy to the moment we sent Dustin the Turkey, a national in-joke, to mock our European neighbours with a terrible novelty song.

In the past we took the Eurovision song contest very seriously. When Dana won in 1970 with ‘All Kinds of Everything’, her Eurovision win was all we had. By the time Johnny Logan sang ‘What’s Another Year’ in 1980, the Euro­- vision was our main industry; it accounted for 75% of our GDP; there were Fás courses in writing pop ballads; every able-bodied youngster was apprenticed to a previous winner. Norway had oil. Denmark had fisheries. We had Eurovision wins. And now, with new-found humility, Ireland is trying to kick-start that industry once again.

That was the general feeling underlying Friday’s Eurosong 2010 Late Late Show Special: “We need the win!

Sending Dustin to represent Ireland was a bad joke that only we found funny. It is often said that the people previously loved the Eurovision but were let down by our inability to make relevant music any more. How cruelly it backfired. It was hardly our proudest moment to have a glove puppet turkey from Sallynoggin representing our country in a song contest.

It got me thinking about how Ireland went from that crap to this in 25 years. I found some images of Ireland in the 80s. Activities at the time used to include standing on a ditch watching rally cars go by, watching Paul McGrath and sniffing glue. I didnt really look too hard but you get the picture.

The change was gradual no doubt but I think a lot of the status anxiety was aroused by television. In Dublin in the mid 90′s I remember Friends started and people were hooked immediately. There was a lot of empathy shown to the characters. It seemed to make people who watched it more perceptive and wittier by watching it. It embraced absurd topics and everyone had a great laugh recalling the episodes.

A few years later it was Sex and the City. I was trying to claim to some friends that this show was one of the biggest phenomena in Irelands transformation from ugly duckling to broke rich guy.

The finale of ‘Sex’ was in 2004 and long since the the brits and the famine which had held the nation back. Around the time of the finale a lot of its female fans knew very little about it but they knew it was for them.

Fast forward to now and after consuming tons of Ugg Boots, GHD’s and san tropez tan bottles: Read more of this post

a song for willie

i still prefer the Up the Ra song:

Read more of this post

the irish mind and bonos inner dynamism

IDA Ireland has enlisted the support of Bono, the U2 singer, and the artist Louis le Brocquy in a 4 million drive to market Ireland as a prime business location for US multinationals.

In language far removed from IDA Ireland’s typical investment parlance, the body said “le Brocquy aimed to make a recognisable image of Bono’s outward appearance while attempting to portray what he conceives to be the wavelengths of his inner dynamism”.

The text of the advert itself is in a similar mode, stating that the flexible attitude of the Irish pervades the ecosystem. “The Irish mind. An abundant supply of that rare commodity you’ll need to bring your business to peak performance,” it says.

“The Irish. Creative. Imaginative. And flexible. Agile minds with a unique capacity to initiate, and innovate, without being directed. Always thinking on their feet. Adapting and improving. Generating new knowledge and new ideas. Working together to find new ways of getting things done. Better and faster.”

This contrasts nicely with the children who have thrown their toys out of the pram: Read more of this post

giving shit up

also known as lent.

People urged to give up iPods for Lent

British church leaders are encouraging people to give up their iPods for Lent, instead of more traditional vices such as chocolate, to help save the planet.

The Bishop of London, Richard Chartres, and the Bishop of Liverpool, James Jones, are among those calling for a carbon fast for Lent which begins tomorrow.

As well as spending a day without using technology such as mobile phones or iPods, the 46 daily suggestions also include eating by candlelight, cutting meat and vegetables thinner so they cook faster and flushing the toilet less often.

“Instead of giving up chocolate for Lent, why not fast for justice … to help those suffering from the effects of climate change,” said Bishop Jones.

Reuters

Fasting for 40 days was invented when Jesus gave up eating and started tripping:

The temptation of Christ is detailed in the gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke. According to these texts, after being baptized, Jesus fasted for forty days and nights in the desert. During this time, the devil appeared to Jesus and tempted him. Jesus having refused each temptation, the devil departed and angels came and brought nourishment to Jesus.

In Luke’s and Matthew’s accounts, the devil tempts Jesus to:

* Make bread out of stone(s) to relieve his own hunger
* Free himself from a pinnacle by jumping and relying on angels to break his fall. The narrative of both Luke and Matthew has the devil quote Psalm 91:11-12 to show that God had promised this assistance, although the devil omits the part of that passage which makes clear that the guarantee applies only to accidents, not deliberate jumps.

Read more of this post

repressed lesbian gardai

And a redneck garda driving a pikeys horse and trap: Read more of this post

blasphemous venn diagram

This is AMAZING:

One pedantic asshole in the comments

There are a few mistakes here:

First, zombies don’t want to convert anyone. They just want BRAINS! The zombie-ness virus is the one responsible for spreading the disease.

Second: Who the fuck revered Frankenstein (the monster)? Dr. Viktor, perhaps, but not the monster, who was born just to kill viktor’s family and get revenge for being made a monster!

Third: Frankenstein NEVER came back to life. He was created out of “elementary chemical substances necessary for living organisms”.

Fourth: It’s outrageous to offend any religion by saying that any prophet converted “mindless followers”

Conclusion: whoever made this must lear the books, the joke is not that funny and it offends. LAME.

It is not outrageuos to offend any religion by saying they are mindless followers. Look at the idiots in Ireland who worship a treestump and go blind from staring at the sun or eat grotto burgers

http://www.clusterflock.org/2009/11/i-thirst.html

Read more of this post

an irish house is like an irish woman

A newish show on RTE lampoons property this week. The Savage Eye.

At 19:55:

an Irish house is like an Irish woman.
They think they are a lot better than they actually are.
They only want rich people to go inside them.
Irish women are enjoying better enjoy the fact that men want to ride them
they will turn into deserted housing estates visited only by coyboys

An older episode has Bono’s head in a toilet with someone pissing on it. If the national broadcaster is at it then I feel safe.

Read more of this post

cringe @ wurdeld cup

Last week on bbc.co.uk: Republic of Ireland ask for extra 2010 World Cup place.

I was talking with some friends and the only way this is achievable is to make the people who have gotten to the “Old Final” to play against Ireland in the “Real Final”:

One of them mentioned a video of Sepp Blatter laughing at the Irish when he is told of their cause. It is not quite that bad, it is more like he got some news that his pet dog had peed on someones shoe. Here is a video of Blatter cringing at Ireland’s absurd desire to be team 33 in the World Cup. Read more of this post

a blog about a blog

http://www.caseypedia.com/wiki/Main_Page is very clever and looks like wikipedia. It chronicles the creators absolute hatred of one man and his failure at everything.

The blog was started by Serin in early September 2006, in what seemed to many people to be an honest attempt to deal with the enormous problem of being in possession of eight properties facing foreclosure. Compounding the problem was the fact that all eight properties were illegally obtained through various mortgage fraud schemes. Since then, the blog has developed into what can only be called a controversial web presence, with individual posts generally attracting hundreds of strongly negative comments. Serin attempted to monetize his blog by using Google Ads. He was soon banned for click fraud, which he blamed on the Haterz™. However, it appears that the click fraud was coming from a botnet specifically designed to click on his ads.

striker, striker, STRIKER

The question has been asked on politics.ie: “Are public servants to blame for Dublin’s traffic?”

Here is how the roads look at lunch time today:


It appears those who dont want to be called scabs or blacklegs have either spent the day lying in bed or have fucked off up the north to spend the money that they apparently don’t have.

A strikebreaker is someone who continues to work during strike action by trade unionists or temporary and permanent replacement workers hired to take the place of those on strike. Strikebreakers are commonly given derogatory terms like scab and blackleg. The act of working during a strike – whether by strikebreakers, management personnel, non-unionized employees or members of other unions not on strike – is known as crossing the picket line, regardless of whether it involves actually physically crossing a line of picketing strikers. Crossing a picket line can result in passive and/or active retaliation against that working person.

What about crossing the borderline? Read more of this post

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