impatient, obnoxious, petty, argumentative, and obsessed over meaningless details

Monthly Archives: May 2011

chill as a cucumber

Some fucking asshole from the food safety authority was on the news yesterday saying:

“The public is being urged to buy Irish in the wake of a deadly outbreak of E coli bacteria poisoning in Europe, which has claimed 10 lives and left hundreds seriously ill”.

Such vile callousness for the people who have died in a lame way. Why not ‘”to be safe don’t eat cucumbers”? We should be sending vegetables from Ireland to thank the Germans for the money they stupidly lent us, twice now and probably a third or fourth or fifth time (like washing and feeding a heroin junkie in rehab who sneaks out every night for another hit’).

I thought it was such a terrible way to go. Terrible until I found out someone in Hong Kong had previously tried to commit suicide by sticking one up his arse:

    A MAN taken to hospital to have a cucumber removed from his bottom told doctors he inserted it in a SUICIDE attempt.
    Chin Wei, 62, claimed the method was a variation of ritual suicide hara-kiri – usually carried out with a SWORD plunged into the belly.
    He was found in a pool of blood by his daughter in Hong Kong.
    Medics said a severe tear to the man’s rear was not life-threatening.


The title of the post is from Pineapple express:

    Red: Why don’t you follow his lead and just chill out, man?
    Dale Denton: I’m chill. I’m chill as a cucumber, man.
    Red: You don’t seem chill.
    Dale Denton: I’m more chill than you.
    Red: You’re more chill than me?
    Dale Denton: Yeah.
    Red: Look what I’m wearing. Kimono, dog. What’re you wearing?
    Dale Denton: A suit.
    (sadly this bit is missing from the video I found)
    Red: Yeah, exactly. I don’t know what’s up with you, but I don’t know if I like you.
    Dale Denton: Well, I don’t know if I like you either

ooompa loompa on late late show

fake tan ugg boot man from "Il Divo"

looks like the girls from everybody’s drinking:

and we're drinking

crossed the line

I was waiting for the Luas last night and the only others in the station were employees of the tram operator who were wearing orange high viz jackets.They were both from Dublin and one guy was in his late 20’s and the other was around 40. I waited near them for 5 minutes and overheard their strange conversation.

Young guy: “so she came home and caught you in the bed riding someone else?”
Old guy: “yeah, busted”
Young guy (laughing): “jaysus, your some eejit” (more laughter)
Old guy (slumped shoulders): “I know”
Young guy: “did you even get to finish? yer not that cool I suppose”

I started laughing at this point and turned around and said to him “come on, he gave you the story, dont beat him up, he is already doing that to himself”.

Old guy to me: “he doesn’t get the finer details of the story”

Young guy to me: “I only asked him if he got to finish off”

Me to him: “I know, I heard that. I thought you crossed the line with that”. I said sorry to the older guy for saying something in but he didn’t seem to mind. It was quid pro quo as I also didn’t mind them talking about this beside me.

sean og awarded freedom of Cork city

Published on: May 28, 2011 @ 12:10

Is this really the best photo they could have used? He doesn’t look like he really cares. I made up a caption for it.

"sure I already have that"

This is interesting when compared to another Corkman and former Garda Dean Foley who was granted freedom in Cork city. He was in court for beating the head off a guy who had said that his brothers shirt was gay. His 18 month sentence reduced to a custodial sentence.

Bunk Moreland to Jimmy McNulty: “You know what they’ll do to a pretty boy like you, son?, a cop, think about it”

I really want to see a photo of of the gay shirt.


zuckerberg acting the goat

On CNBC today: “Mark Zuckerberg Says He’s Only Eating Meat He Kills” – facebook founder updates status to “I killed a goat and a pig”.

    Among the more incongruous reports to come from the tech world lately is one describing awkwardly mild-mannered Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg dispatching a goat with a knife.

    That is, apparently, “the most kind way to do it,” said Jesse Cool, a Silicon Valley chef and Zuckerberg neighbor who has been the tech wunderkind’s guide on his quest to only eat meat from creatures he kills himself.

    “I’m eating a lot healthier foods,” Zuckerberg told Fortune magazine’s Patricia Sellers. “And I’ve learned a lot about sustainable farming and raising of animals. It’s easy to take the food we eat for granted when we can eat good things every day.”

    On his journey toward a more humane approach to food, the 27-year-old billionaire (and mostly vegetarian) has killed not only goats but also chickens and pigs. Zuckerberg started off with the relatively goreless boiling of a live lobster.

    “The most interesting thing was how special it felt to eat it after having not eaten any seafood or meat in a while,” he told Fortune. “I think many people forget that a living being has to die for you to eat meat, so my goal revolves around not letting myself forget that and being thankful for what I have.”


diary of a turkish delight addict

I imagine someone was unwrapping their chocolate to indulge in their secret addiction. They were like Charlie Bucket looking for the golden ticket. They dropped it on the bathroom floor and probably cried. If they were a heroin fiend they would not have cared.


get your hands offa my woman, motherfucker

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    Only 24 hours ago he complained of being ‘very bored’ while under house arrest in a modest Manhattan apartment.
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    The banker, accused of trying to rape a hotel maid, looked like the cat who got the cream last night as he was moved to the four-bedroom Tribeca property where he will stay under house arrest while awaiting trial.

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cardinal charged with investigating sex abuse charged with sex abuse

    (GENOA) – The latest sex abuse case to rock the Catholic Church is unfolding in the archdiocese of an influential Italian Cardinal, who has been working with Pope Benedict XVI on reforms to respond to prior scandals of pedophile priests.
    Father Riccardo Seppia, a 51 year-old parish priest in the village of Sastri Ponente, near Genoa, was arrested last Friday on pedophilia and drugs charges. Investigators say that in tapped mobile phone conversations Seppia asked a Moroccan drug dealer to arrange sexual encounters with young and vulnerable boys. “I do not want 16-year-old boys, but younger. Fourteen-year-olds are OK. Look for needy boys, who have family issues,” he allegedly said. Genoa Archbishop Angelo Bagnasco, who is also head of the Italian Bishops Conference, had been working with Benedict to establish a tough new worldwide policy released this week on how bishops should handle accusations of priestly sex abuse

update: it was a priest in his diocese, not actually the cardinal


NZ man inflated like a baloon

2011-05-26 13:07

WELLINGTON, New Zealand – A New Zealand truck driver said he blew up like a balloon when he fell onto the fitting of a compressed air hose that pierced his buttock and forced air into his body at 100 pounds a square inch.
Steven McCormack was standing on his truck’s foot plate Saturday when he slipped and fell, breaking a compressed air hose off an air reservoir that powered the truck’s brakes.
He fell hard onto the brass fitting, which pierced his left buttock and started pumping air into his body.
“I felt the air rush into my body and I felt like it was going to explode from my foot,” he told local media from his hospital bed in the town of Whakatane, on North Island’s east coast.
“I was blowing up like a football,” he said. “I had no choice but just to lay there, blowing up like a balloon.”
McCormack’s workmates heard his screams and ran to him, quickly releasing a safety valve to stop the air flow, said Robbie Petersen, co-owner of the trucking company.
He was rushed to the hospital with terrible swelling and fluid in one lung. Doctors said the air had separated fat from muscle in McCormack’s body, but had not entered his bloodstream.
McCormack, 48, said his skin felt “like a pork roast” — crackling on the outside but soft underneath.



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