This email was forwarded to me – seems like life at Oracle is much the same as life in any other IT company:
Greetings, fellow and soon-to-be former co-workers.
Today I have crafted this fine nugget of prose to bid a fond farewell as I step down from my lofty post, ending a lustrous career here at Oracle. First and f! oremost, I’d like to congratulate my superiors for “providing the opportunity to excel”, Much acclaim to my inferiors for allowing me to be luperior; you know who you are!
As most of you probably know, today is my last day. However, before I relinquish my duties, I want to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and unequivocal pleasure it has been to type “Today is my last day”.
To say that the past couple of months have been as fun as being constantly jabbed with sharp pointy sticks whilst getting continuously punched in the face by an enraged silverback matriarch gorilla, would be an understatement. The dream that I ! have dreamt on those many sleepless nights of finally leaving this organisation is finally becoming a reality, please know that I could have never reached this colossal goal without managements unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you chose not to express.
I would like to send a special thank you out to my management team; in an age where miscommunication is all too rife, I was consistently galvanised, and dare to go as far as to say inspired, with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation. It takes a strong person to admit their mistake – it takes a stronger person to attribute their mistake to me.
Over the last year and half, I have learn many things, more that I could have ever asked for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some interchangeable characters on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects – a priceless lesson in overcoming the daily monotonous doldrums of tedium in overcoming the daily monotonous doldrums of tedium in overcoming the daily monotonous doldrums of tedium.
Oracle’s demands were high and its patience short, but I take great alleviation knowing that my work was considered “satisfactory”. That is the brand of praise that would send anybody home happy after an 8 hour day, grimacing my way through mu! ltiple cans of mediocre beer, as the thought of treating myself to something as simple as a beer that doesn’t taste of cat urine, would be too far a stretch on Oracle’s “competitive” salary.
This company succeeds daily in turning bright & talented individuals into husky shells of human beings. I can no longer in good conscience work in an environment so polluted with Napoleonic Personalities.
“May the smoke from the bridges I burn here today be seen far & wide”.
PS. When you’re standing on a burning bridge the view may be kinda hazy.
PPS – Drink at the Epi at 5 then Dicies
PPPS – Don’t send this on to management. I still next month’s pay slip to worry about!