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christmas is like a birthday

December 17, 2009 atoast2toast Leave a comment Go to comments

Well it is Jesus’ birthday – if he existed he was more than likely a street performer or the David Copperfield of the BC times. It is about as believable as the Easter Bunny or a woman who can drive properly.

In the words of Jerry Seinfeld:

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and
how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better
self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it’s not
to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are
to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.

My birthday is on the 27th of December. I am not bitter about that in particular but people do always say “don’t you get screwed on presents”, yes I do. For revenge I get people presents whenever it is in the year and say “that is for Christmas and your birthday”. I should just buy people socks.

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  1. J to the K
    December 17, 2009 at 4:54 pm | #1
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    You’re some scrooge
    lol
    happy birthday
    text FREESEXYGIFT to 57250
    its for your bday & christmas!

    • atoast2toast
      December 17, 2009 at 5:10 pm | #2
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      FRANK: Welcome, new comers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you’re gonna hear about it! You, Kruger. My son tells me your company stinks!

      http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheStrike.htm

  2. J to the K
    December 17, 2009 at 5:17 pm | #3
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    …don’t actually text that by the way..nothing will happen…if it does…you might have to pay…if that happens, you’ll be cross. Maybe vexed. Nobody wants to be the brunt of an angry blog. (Just ask TB)..
    I can afford to buy you a pint for your birthday/Christmas if I see you between the 25th and 27th (it would be too early/late any other time to get you any kind of gift/gesture). Here’s how…
    I lost a pair of glasses at Oxegen (I was mighty pissed. Fall asleep with the crapper door open pissed. Fall and really hurt your knee drunk). They cost me €500 I was really pissed (American-style this time). I tried to claim on my house insurance. They said no. I said why. They said you didn’t lose them in the house. I said fuck you.
    Today I bought new glasses. Had to. Can’t see my bus coming or whether I’m been thrown a spade or a club. Went into Hibernian Aviva to put my new glasses onto my insurance as an extra item (probably going to Oxegen next year if you’re around). They said you don’t need to they’re covered. I said, “excuse me…Simon.. why then could I not claim last time…?” When did you lose them..? ..a ponderous pause..”I lost them LAST NIGHT…. IN MY HOUSE”, I said. OK, says he, we’ll send you a cheque for the cost of your replacement glasses (€364) minus €35 (who the fuck knows why?!). Happy days. Happy Christmas. Glasses for free. I can see again. Life is beautiful and Christmas is a joyus time.

    Screw you scrooge

    • atoast2toast
      December 17, 2009 at 5:29 pm | #4
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      So when Scrooge calls Christmas a humbug, he is claiming that people only pretend to charity and kindness in an scoundrel effort to delude him, each other, and themselves. In Scrooge’s eyes, he is the one man honest enough to admit that no one really cares about anyone else, so for him, every wish for a Merry Christmas is one more deceitful effort to fool him and take advantage of him. This is a man who has turned to profit because he honestly believes everyone else will someday betray him or abandon him the moment he trusts them

      Anyway

      Insurance fraud is often perceived as being different from other types of crime as it is viewed as a victimless crime – no one is hurt. In the overall scheme of things, the making of a false claim or the exaggeration of a genuine claim by a few thousand Euro is seem as the proverbial drop in the ocean of the finances of insurance companies. However, the reality is very different. Insurance fraud costs insurance companies in Ireland an estimated €100m annually. It’s not faceless institutions that ultimately foot the bill but individual honest policyholders through their premiums.

      I bet it was

  3. feensham
    December 18, 2009 at 1:45 am | #5
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    Hi, this is Simon from Aviva. Can I have my cheque back please or else I will send the viper debt collection agency around to your gaff for tea and kneecaps.

  4. Orla
    December 18, 2009 at 1:16 pm | #6
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    I’ll have you know, I am an excellent driver thank you very much, I just get confused in multi-story carparks

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