toast annual edition
Highlights of 2009 in Toastland, images are clickable.
Biggest Daily Traffic (mostly from thepropertypin.com).
Biggest Weekly Traffic (viral email about Cavan minor team – the real life story made it to the Sunday times)
Biggest Misunderstanding: Anonymous aka Edward Frond of Canada does not understand dual meaning of word ‘revolting’
Biggest Disappearance:
Where is frequent commenter 47WhiteBuffalo gone ?
christmas is like a birthday
Well it is Jesus’ birthday – if he existed he was more than likely a street performer or the David Copperfield of the BC times. It is about as believable as the Easter Bunny or a woman who can drive properly.
In the words of Jerry Seinfeld:
Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and
how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better
self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it’s not
to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are
to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.
My birthday is on the 27th of December. I am not bitter about that in particular but people do always say “don’t you get screwed on presents”, yes I do. For revenge I get people presents whenever it is in the year and say “that is for Christmas and your birthday”. I should just buy people socks.
machete movie poster
I love the tag line:
YESTERDAY HE WAS A DECENT MAN LIVING A DECENT LIFE
NOW HE IS A BRUTAL SAVAGE
WHO MUST SLAUGHTER TO STAY ALIVE
booze fuelled mayhem
toast is in bad condition owing to the boozing that comes at this time of year. I was at the depeche mode concert on thursday in the old point depot. There was a huge crowd and it looked like a lot of couples but the guys were a lot more interested than the girls.
I go to a lot of concerts in other countries and found it odd that only in Dublin do the security guards stand outside any event shouting their heads off like the people selling tickets, programs and colours of the match. As we approached the gate one guy was screaming “entrance 1 to the left, 2 and 3 to the right”. I shouted back “get a sign”. Then another guy shouted the same as the first guy so I responded “all this shouting is a bit wierd”. He said in a thick dublin accent “maybe its cos yir hungover”. I could see he had big teeth so the way he was laughing was only reserved for times he was delighted with “how bleedin smart he is”. Smart being pronounced with the t silent.
I had a few extortionate beers at 6 euros and a barman went to take the piss. He filled the glass up near the top leaving a half an inch at the top of the glass empty. I said to him “I paid you for 2 pints”. He replied “the mark is at the top of the crown” and it being a carlsberg glass had a crown. I couldnt see the mark so I said “that is actually embarassing for you to have to say”. He made it worse by grabbing 3 cups looking for the line that marks a pint. The mark actually said 500 ml. I made a membership enquiry for the Audi club area and I included that information in my application. I wonder if they will get back to me, doubt it.
fuck you
A few cases of “fuck you” in the news. The Rage Against the Machine for Christmas campaign (lyrics include “fuck you I wont do you what you tell me motherfucker” repeated 100 times).
Simon Cowell has branded the Facebook campaign to get Rage Against The Machine’s ‘Killing In The Name’ to the Christmas Number One slot ahead of this year’s winner of The X Factor “stupid” and “cynical”.
Over 550,000 people have joined the Facebook group, which urges members to download ‘Killing In The Name’ on Sunday (December 13) to prevent the Christmas Number One being held by the show’s winner for the fifth year in a row.
In other news:
A Green Party backbencher apologised in the Dáil this afternoon after he told a Labour TD “fuck you” during heated exchanges on the Social Welfare Bill.
Paul Gogarty, who represents Dublin Mid West, had been challenged by Opposition TDs to vote against the Bill later this evening.
sally o’brien and the way she might look at you
prada handbags and suvs
Follow up to jeep-coffee-cunt:
I hate SUV’s a lot. The drivers are the most ignorant road users and the people fail to understand the tiny roads here don’t accomodate these pricks. I had considered going the extra step and start burn them like some hippies do in the States.
Jeff “Free” Luers, who is serving a ten year sentence for the firebombing of SUV’s at a dealership, which was revised from twenty-two years and ten months, describes why the ELF exists and why they have kept by the guidelines that were initially published for the movement
I just took some photos of people parking in handicap spaces instead.
There is this from organizedrage.com:
The owner of a vehicle refused to move out of a handicapped zone in a shopping centre in Clarinbridge this morning.
The woman, who was not displaying a handicapped parking permit, moved into the clearly marked spot in her imported 2005 GM Hummer vehicle. Despite being informed that she was illegally parking in a handicapped zone, she refused to move. When asked if she was aware that her action was preventing disabled drivers and the elderly from safely parking and potentially causing harm, her response was ‘I don’t care’. She then proceeded into the shopping centre.
I remembered an old piece on RTE about SUV’s and who is driving them. The results are sickening, possibly worse than I expected and they have to be recorded for posterity. Some of the low-lights:
“We are on the top floor of Brown Thomas, we can see the whole of Dublin. What kind of SUV are you driving”.
The lady describes a Land Rover Project Kahn (€185000) as a work horse. She doesn’t know what it cost, you would have to ask the husband, she just drives what is given to her and doesn’t mind. She has to go get her hair done and collect dry cleaning before collecting the kids. Read more…
blasphemous venn diagram
This is AMAZING:
One pedantic asshole in the comments
There are a few mistakes here:
First, zombies don’t want to convert anyone. They just want BRAINS! The zombie-ness virus is the one responsible for spreading the disease.
Second: Who the fuck revered Frankenstein (the monster)? Dr. Viktor, perhaps, but not the monster, who was born just to kill viktor’s family and get revenge for being made a monster!
Third: Frankenstein NEVER came back to life. He was created out of “elementary chemical substances necessary for living organisms”.
Fourth: It’s outrageous to offend any religion by saying that any prophet converted “mindless followers”
Conclusion: whoever made this must lear the books, the joke is not that funny and it offends. LAME.
It is not outrageuos to offend any religion by saying they are mindless followers. Look at the idiots in Ireland who worship a treestump and go blind from staring at the sun or eat grotto burgers
